[ no, no she would not like that. if she sees him she worries she might lose her composure, and she's already spent far too much time looking and feeling weak in front of the one person here she would most like to impress.
[ Truth be told, he's worried about her. There hasn't been a moment where he's stopped worrying about her, but the last thing he wants to do is hover around. This is a good a time as any to check on her without awkwardly barging in.
It's not a long jaunt from his own home to Alisaie's. He knocks lightly on the door to announce his presence. Knowing that the ladies of the house are both ill, he will let himself in if no one answers. ]
[ alisaie is awake when he arrives, considering she had been expecting him, and exhausted though she may be she is too nervous to sit still. yet once the knock comes she still hesitates - gods she does not want him to see her like this, she does not want anyone to see her like this, she must screw up her courage to open the door.
of course, she's looking rather ragged. two weeks of fever and sickness have not done her much good, she looks weary and thin, with dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes. she's wrapped up in a blanket over her shoulders, her bare feet are bandaged to the ankle, and she looks anxious, as if one quick move or sudden noise will set her to bolting like a deer in the woods.
just seeing his face is enough to make her throat tighten, and alisaie must swallow a thick lump in her throat before stepping back and gesturing him inside. her voice is little more than a rough croak. it's taking all of her focus and energy to stand tall and dignified. ]
[ He thought he was prepared to see her— it’s not as though it’s been overlong since he’s seen her last, anyway— but gods, when she opens the door, a frigid spike of worry pierces right through his chest. His expression falters, and for a second, the concern is plain on his face.
Gods, he hates seeing her like this, withering away like the very life is being drawn out of her. He misses her bright smile and sharp wit, and if he could, he’d trade places with her in an instant.
Her anxiousness doesn’t go unnoticed, and he steps through the door gently, slowly. When he speaks, his tone is quiet, though there’s no hiding his worry, ]
[ it's been so easy to feel numb. these two weeks have been long and painful, and after everything that's happened with riza it feels as if she's fallen into a haze, like everything and everyone is distant from her. it may be defensive; nothing can hurt you if you cannot feel at all.
but x'rhun's presence, his gentle voice cracks a fissure straight down the middle of that facade that she must struggle to keep from widening. ]
I'm sure you have heard that the disease is progressing.
[ she tries to sound matter of fact, and turns away from him to move back into the common room, avoiding his eyes less his warmth and kindness shatter what little composure she has left. she busies herself instead by seeing to what's necessary and shuffling toward a side table set against the wall; atop it are her rapier, focus, and grimoire. ]
[ If she's trying not to make him even more concerned, she's not doing a great job of it. He knows that the sickness is getting worse with time, but he knows not what that entails.
But those words from her mouth and the sight of her belongings on the table makes something like dread plummet in his gut, and he looks from her to her weapons and back. ]
[ alisaie isn't sure how much he knows, how much she needs to explain, so she will try to be concise as best as she can; the less she talks the easier it will be to keep her even poise. ]
Yes.
[ it's a simple enough answer that she doesn't expound upon, instead she reaches out to lay her hands on her rapier and focus, though there's a noticeable hesitation. she's afraid to touch them, can't help but remember - but she pushes forward nonetheless, trying to keep her fingers from trembling when she lifts them. ]
I would like for you to take care of these for me. I've been seeing visions, I can't be.. I do not trust myself with these anymore.
[ He's not sure if she just expects him to leave it at "yes", because he has no intention to. He'll not leave her here with whatever happened left unsaid, gnawing in the darkness.
He steps forward, gently lifting her effects away with one of his own. His free hand, he curls around Alisaie's slender fingers with the utmost gentleness, like he's afraid she'll break if he's not careful with her. ]
[ of course she had known that that would not be an acceptable answer for him, that he would want - need to know more, yet a part of her had still held out hope that maybe, just maybe he wouldn't press for the truth. is was a thin hope.
alisaie hesitates, swallowing thickly, searching for the word that will not come easily. but she has never been the sort to be indirect - best to rip the bandage off in one fell swoop. ]
I attacked my roommate.
[ she says, in a small voice, her eyes fixed on x'rhun's hand where it grasps her own. ]
I thought she was - it does not matter. I nearly killed her. So please, just.. take them away.
[ He wishes his suspicions weren't proven right. Alisaie has suffered enough thanks to this damnable plague, but to have blood on her hands as well... It's not fair, any of it.
X'rhun sets her things aside- he'll honor her request and keep them safe, for her peace of mind as well as his own, but right now that is not the important part. Right now Alisaie is suffering, and there's precious little he can do.
With one hand still curled around hers, he brings his other to her cheek. ]
she had been so adamant that she would not cry. tears do not solve problems, and all she has done these past two weeks is suffer uselessly - her pain and regret achieve nothing, and while she knows very well that emotions are better expressed than repressed, she does not always practice what she preaches. she's sick of crying, she's sick of hurting, she's sick of being sick, of wasting away in bed when she could be working, helping, achieving something, anything.
but stubbornness alone cannot keep her tears back, not anymore. x'rhun's voice is so warm, his touch so gentle, that little crack in her heart is giving way like a bursting dam. she opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a quiet, broken sort of sound where she'd wanted words to be, an explanation, an assurance, anything but this. all at once her eyes are filling with tears, hot and thick and prickling and she can't keep them back, her hand in his suddenly moving, grasping hard. ]
[ There is no denying Alisaie’s strength or her bravery. She is a Scion, a red mage, a liberator of Doma and Ala Mhigo both, but she is also still a child. When the dam finally breaks and the tears begin to well in her eyes and she is as vulnerable as X’rhun has ever seen her, he thinks no less of her. He only wishes there was more he could do.
In the end, all he can offer is his presence, gentle and sturdy in the face of the unknown.
Alisaie tries and fails for words, and X’rhun draws her close. His hand leaves her cheek and instead loops around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. ]
[ x'rhun has a profound way of saying all the right things, at all the right times. he does not offer empty promises or try to soothe a pain that cannot be talked away, he does not offer a solution, only.. comfort, an anchor to lean on, steadying force in the tumult her life has become.
she doesn't try to speak any longer, she only folds against him as if she is crumbling away, leaning near all her weight into him, her face buried against the bright scarlet fabric of his coat. she holds to him hard, one hand squeezing his, the other a small fist in his lapel, and she aches. it feels like splitting open, raw and visceral and painful and would that she were not familiar with the feeling but she has known it before.
but for now she.. allows herself to feel it, to trip and fall because she trusts him, even if she is disappointed in herself, ashamed and humiliated. that disappointment isn't enough to stop the tears, or her hiccuping sobs. ]
[ All at once the walls come down. Alisaie’s weight falls against him, her tears stain his jacket and he just lets her cry. He knows it’s not what she wants right now— she tried so hard to keep a brave face just a moment ago— but it’s surely what she needs. This whole situation has been nothing but a terrible cocktail of worry and fear for him, he can scarce imagine what it must be like for her.
For however long it takes, he just holds her close, one hand clenched tightly by hers. His arm says looped around her slight shoulders, as he brings his hand up to comb lightly through her sleep-mussed locks. He has no words for her, so instead he makes quiet, soothing sounds as she weeps into his chest. ]
[ in her heart alisaie knows it's for the best, that venting emotions is healthy, necessary, and keeping it all tamped down inside of her will do her no good. but it is not always easy to take your own advice, and x'rhun - gods, she's always made every effort to impress him, to be strong and poised and relentless, so it is not easy to show him her tears.
but it does help. he's warm and gentle, and for the first time in a long time she feels safe and secure. prompto does all he can to keep her together and she loves him for it, would be absolutely lost without him here, but he can only do so much and she has already asked so much of him.. x'rhun is a stalwart pillar of strength, someone she can lean on without feeling guilty.
without feeling too guilty, at least.
even the fiercest of storms spend themselves, and soon enough alisaie's rough sobs slow to soft, hiccuping breaths, the tension in her body beginning to ease. she's so damned tired. eyes shut, she swallows thickly, keeping her face buried to his jacket, embarrassed for him to see her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face. ]
[ Said softly, as he cards his fingers through her hair once more. It doesn’t escape his notice that she’s refusing to look at him, but he won’t remark on it. He’ll let her cling to whatever scraps of pride she can in this exchange. ]
I’ll keep your things safe, as you’ve asked, but let’s get you settled first, hm?
[ it's not until the hiccups have stopped that she finally sniffs and pulls away, quickly wiping her eyes on the inside of her sleeve. there's no helping her red cheeks or puffy eyes but at the very least she's able to stand a little straighter and fight to keep the quaver from her voice. ]
Thank you. But first..
[ alisaie turns back to the table again, this time lifting her grimoire. it's large and heavy and well made, and alisaie runs her fingers delicately over the embossed front, her expression distant and nostalgic and pained. with a sigh, she offers it forward and lifts her eyes again. ]
This, as well. It is.. very special to me. Please keep it safe.
[ He lifts his arm away from her shoulders as she turns back to the table, sparing only a brief glance down at the tear stains that now adorn his coat. It breaks his heart to see her cry, much like everything about her current situation does, but he’s glad she finally let go.
X’rhun takes the offered book with no small measure of gentleness. Even without her saying so, it’s clear this tome means a great deal to her. ]
Of course I will. This, and your blade. I’ll look after them as though they were my own.
[ it takes her a half a moment to finally release her hold, but soon after she nods, offering a smile that is tired but genuine. she trusts him completely, has every confidence that he will take good care of it. ]
I appreciate it.
[ more than he can know. that book is the last tangible memory she has of her grandsire, it's the single most important thing she owns. ]
[ Once Alisaie finally releases her grip on the book, he takes it, along with her rapier and focus, and sets them aside near the door for him to grab on his way out. ]
Come along, my dear. I know the last place you want to be is back in bed, but it's really the best thing for you.
[ she would pout, but she doesn't have the energy, which is reason enough to take his advice even if he's so very right - she's damned sick and tired of that bed. weeks it's been now, and it's driving her absolutely mad, but with every day that passes it's more and more difficult to stay on her feet.
so she relents, trailing morosely toward her bedroom. ]
[ X’rhun wouldn’t do well with this kind of helplessness himself, but for a firecracker like Alisaie it must be unbearable. The fact that she relents with only a token complaint, however, is quite telling about her condition moreso than the look of her.
He trails along after her, as she heads towards her room. ]
I’d be happy to keep you company for a time, if you don’t mind an old man hovering about.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text; un: crimson duelist
Well then, there’s only one person he can think of who would have a username like that. ]
Alisaie? Of course I would be willing. What is it?
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There are a few things I would like to give you, I ask that you keep them safe for me for a little while.
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[ He wants to ask her if something is wrong, but it feels so... strange to do so over text like this. He'd rather speak to her in person ]
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but she has little enough choice. ]
Yes, whenever is convenient for you.
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[ Truth be told, he's worried about her. There hasn't been a moment where he's stopped worrying about her, but the last thing he wants to do is hover around. This is a good a time as any to check on her without awkwardly barging in.
It's not a long jaunt from his own home to Alisaie's. He knocks lightly on the door to announce his presence. Knowing that the ladies of the house are both ill, he will let himself in if no one answers. ]
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of course, she's looking rather ragged. two weeks of fever and sickness have not done her much good, she looks weary and thin, with dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes. she's wrapped up in a blanket over her shoulders, her bare feet are bandaged to the ankle, and she looks anxious, as if one quick move or sudden noise will set her to bolting like a deer in the woods.
just seeing his face is enough to make her throat tighten, and alisaie must swallow a thick lump in her throat before stepping back and gesturing him inside. her voice is little more than a rough croak. it's taking all of her focus and energy to stand tall and dignified. ]
Please, come in.
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Gods, he hates seeing her like this, withering away like the very life is being drawn out of her. He misses her bright smile and sharp wit, and if he could, he’d trade places with her in an instant.
Her anxiousness doesn’t go unnoticed, and he steps through the door gently, slowly. When he speaks, his tone is quiet, though there’s no hiding his worry, ]
My dear, what’s wrong?
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but x'rhun's presence, his gentle voice cracks a fissure straight down the middle of that facade that she must struggle to keep from widening. ]
I'm sure you have heard that the disease is progressing.
[ she tries to sound matter of fact, and turns away from him to move back into the common room, avoiding his eyes less his warmth and kindness shatter what little composure she has left. she busies herself instead by seeing to what's necessary and shuffling toward a side table set against the wall; atop it are her rapier, focus, and grimoire. ]
My mind is.. not whole. Not always, at least.
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But those words from her mouth and the sight of her belongings on the table makes something like dread plummet in his gut, and he looks from her to her weapons and back. ]
Alisaie... did something happen?
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Yes.
[ it's a simple enough answer that she doesn't expound upon, instead she reaches out to lay her hands on her rapier and focus, though there's a noticeable hesitation. she's afraid to touch them, can't help but remember - but she pushes forward nonetheless, trying to keep her fingers from trembling when she lifts them. ]
I would like for you to take care of these for me. I've been seeing visions, I can't be.. I do not trust myself with these anymore.
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He steps forward, gently lifting her effects away with one of his own. His free hand, he curls around Alisaie's slender fingers with the utmost gentleness, like he's afraid she'll break if he's not careful with her. ]
Tell me what happened. Please.
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alisaie hesitates, swallowing thickly, searching for the word that will not come easily. but she has never been the sort to be indirect - best to rip the bandage off in one fell swoop. ]
I attacked my roommate.
[ she says, in a small voice, her eyes fixed on x'rhun's hand where it grasps her own. ]
I thought she was - it does not matter. I nearly killed her. So please, just.. take them away.
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[ He wishes his suspicions weren't proven right. Alisaie has suffered enough thanks to this damnable plague, but to have blood on her hands as well... It's not fair, any of it.
X'rhun sets her things aside- he'll honor her request and keep them safe, for her peace of mind as well as his own, but right now that is not the important part. Right now Alisaie is suffering, and there's precious little he can do.
With one hand still curled around hers, he brings his other to her cheek. ]
It was not your fault, sweetheart.
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she had been so adamant that she would not cry. tears do not solve problems, and all she has done these past two weeks is suffer uselessly - her pain and regret achieve nothing, and while she knows very well that emotions are better expressed than repressed, she does not always practice what she preaches. she's sick of crying, she's sick of hurting, she's sick of being sick, of wasting away in bed when she could be working, helping, achieving something, anything.
but stubbornness alone cannot keep her tears back, not anymore. x'rhun's voice is so warm, his touch so gentle, that little crack in her heart is giving way like a bursting dam. she opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a quiet, broken sort of sound where she'd wanted words to be, an explanation, an assurance, anything but this. all at once her eyes are filling with tears, hot and thick and prickling and she can't keep them back, her hand in his suddenly moving, grasping hard. ]
I -
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In the end, all he can offer is his presence, gentle and sturdy in the face of the unknown.
Alisaie tries and fails for words, and X’rhun draws her close. His hand leaves her cheek and instead loops around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. ]
I know, my dear. I know.
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she doesn't try to speak any longer, she only folds against him as if she is crumbling away, leaning near all her weight into him, her face buried against the bright scarlet fabric of his coat. she holds to him hard, one hand squeezing his, the other a small fist in his lapel, and she aches. it feels like splitting open, raw and visceral and painful and would that she were not familiar with the feeling but she has known it before.
but for now she.. allows herself to feel it, to trip and fall because she trusts him, even if she is disappointed in herself, ashamed and humiliated. that disappointment isn't enough to stop the tears, or her hiccuping sobs. ]
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For however long it takes, he just holds her close, one hand clenched tightly by hers. His arm says looped around her slight shoulders, as he brings his hand up to comb lightly through her sleep-mussed locks. He has no words for her, so instead he makes quiet, soothing sounds as she weeps into his chest. ]
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but it does help. he's warm and gentle, and for the first time in a long time she feels safe and secure. prompto does all he can to keep her together and she loves him for it, would be absolutely lost without him here, but he can only do so much and she has already asked so much of him.. x'rhun is a stalwart pillar of strength, someone she can lean on without feeling guilty.
without feeling too guilty, at least.
even the fiercest of storms spend themselves, and soon enough alisaie's rough sobs slow to soft, hiccuping breaths, the tension in her body beginning to ease. she's so damned tired. eyes shut, she swallows thickly, keeping her face buried to his jacket, embarrassed for him to see her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face. ]
My.. my apologies.
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[ Said softly, as he cards his fingers through her hair once more. It doesn’t escape his notice that she’s refusing to look at him, but he won’t remark on it. He’ll let her cling to whatever scraps of pride she can in this exchange. ]
I’ll keep your things safe, as you’ve asked, but let’s get you settled first, hm?
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Thank you. But first..
[ alisaie turns back to the table again, this time lifting her grimoire. it's large and heavy and well made, and alisaie runs her fingers delicately over the embossed front, her expression distant and nostalgic and pained. with a sigh, she offers it forward and lifts her eyes again. ]
This, as well. It is.. very special to me. Please keep it safe.
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X’rhun takes the offered book with no small measure of gentleness. Even without her saying so, it’s clear this tome means a great deal to her. ]
Of course I will. This, and your blade. I’ll look after them as though they were my own.
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I appreciate it.
[ more than he can know. that book is the last tangible memory she has of her grandsire, it's the single most important thing she owns. ]
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Come along, my dear. I know the last place you want to be is back in bed, but it's really the best thing for you.
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so she relents, trailing morosely toward her bedroom. ]
Oh, very well.
[ rumblegrumble, she doesn't wanna. ]
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[ X’rhun wouldn’t do well with this kind of helplessness himself, but for a firecracker like Alisaie it must be unbearable. The fact that she relents with only a token complaint, however, is quite telling about her condition moreso than the look of her.
He trails along after her, as she heads towards her room. ]
I’d be happy to keep you company for a time, if you don’t mind an old man hovering about.
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