[ He's not sure if she just expects him to leave it at "yes", because he has no intention to. He'll not leave her here with whatever happened left unsaid, gnawing in the darkness.
He steps forward, gently lifting her effects away with one of his own. His free hand, he curls around Alisaie's slender fingers with the utmost gentleness, like he's afraid she'll break if he's not careful with her. ]
[ of course she had known that that would not be an acceptable answer for him, that he would want - need to know more, yet a part of her had still held out hope that maybe, just maybe he wouldn't press for the truth. is was a thin hope.
alisaie hesitates, swallowing thickly, searching for the word that will not come easily. but she has never been the sort to be indirect - best to rip the bandage off in one fell swoop. ]
I attacked my roommate.
[ she says, in a small voice, her eyes fixed on x'rhun's hand where it grasps her own. ]
I thought she was - it does not matter. I nearly killed her. So please, just.. take them away.
[ He wishes his suspicions weren't proven right. Alisaie has suffered enough thanks to this damnable plague, but to have blood on her hands as well... It's not fair, any of it.
X'rhun sets her things aside- he'll honor her request and keep them safe, for her peace of mind as well as his own, but right now that is not the important part. Right now Alisaie is suffering, and there's precious little he can do.
With one hand still curled around hers, he brings his other to her cheek. ]
she had been so adamant that she would not cry. tears do not solve problems, and all she has done these past two weeks is suffer uselessly - her pain and regret achieve nothing, and while she knows very well that emotions are better expressed than repressed, she does not always practice what she preaches. she's sick of crying, she's sick of hurting, she's sick of being sick, of wasting away in bed when she could be working, helping, achieving something, anything.
but stubbornness alone cannot keep her tears back, not anymore. x'rhun's voice is so warm, his touch so gentle, that little crack in her heart is giving way like a bursting dam. she opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a quiet, broken sort of sound where she'd wanted words to be, an explanation, an assurance, anything but this. all at once her eyes are filling with tears, hot and thick and prickling and she can't keep them back, her hand in his suddenly moving, grasping hard. ]
[ There is no denying Alisaie’s strength or her bravery. She is a Scion, a red mage, a liberator of Doma and Ala Mhigo both, but she is also still a child. When the dam finally breaks and the tears begin to well in her eyes and she is as vulnerable as X’rhun has ever seen her, he thinks no less of her. He only wishes there was more he could do.
In the end, all he can offer is his presence, gentle and sturdy in the face of the unknown.
Alisaie tries and fails for words, and X’rhun draws her close. His hand leaves her cheek and instead loops around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. ]
[ x'rhun has a profound way of saying all the right things, at all the right times. he does not offer empty promises or try to soothe a pain that cannot be talked away, he does not offer a solution, only.. comfort, an anchor to lean on, steadying force in the tumult her life has become.
she doesn't try to speak any longer, she only folds against him as if she is crumbling away, leaning near all her weight into him, her face buried against the bright scarlet fabric of his coat. she holds to him hard, one hand squeezing his, the other a small fist in his lapel, and she aches. it feels like splitting open, raw and visceral and painful and would that she were not familiar with the feeling but she has known it before.
but for now she.. allows herself to feel it, to trip and fall because she trusts him, even if she is disappointed in herself, ashamed and humiliated. that disappointment isn't enough to stop the tears, or her hiccuping sobs. ]
[ All at once the walls come down. Alisaie’s weight falls against him, her tears stain his jacket and he just lets her cry. He knows it’s not what she wants right now— she tried so hard to keep a brave face just a moment ago— but it’s surely what she needs. This whole situation has been nothing but a terrible cocktail of worry and fear for him, he can scarce imagine what it must be like for her.
For however long it takes, he just holds her close, one hand clenched tightly by hers. His arm says looped around her slight shoulders, as he brings his hand up to comb lightly through her sleep-mussed locks. He has no words for her, so instead he makes quiet, soothing sounds as she weeps into his chest. ]
[ in her heart alisaie knows it's for the best, that venting emotions is healthy, necessary, and keeping it all tamped down inside of her will do her no good. but it is not always easy to take your own advice, and x'rhun - gods, she's always made every effort to impress him, to be strong and poised and relentless, so it is not easy to show him her tears.
but it does help. he's warm and gentle, and for the first time in a long time she feels safe and secure. prompto does all he can to keep her together and she loves him for it, would be absolutely lost without him here, but he can only do so much and she has already asked so much of him.. x'rhun is a stalwart pillar of strength, someone she can lean on without feeling guilty.
without feeling too guilty, at least.
even the fiercest of storms spend themselves, and soon enough alisaie's rough sobs slow to soft, hiccuping breaths, the tension in her body beginning to ease. she's so damned tired. eyes shut, she swallows thickly, keeping her face buried to his jacket, embarrassed for him to see her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face. ]
[ Said softly, as he cards his fingers through her hair once more. It doesn’t escape his notice that she’s refusing to look at him, but he won’t remark on it. He’ll let her cling to whatever scraps of pride she can in this exchange. ]
I’ll keep your things safe, as you’ve asked, but let’s get you settled first, hm?
[ it's not until the hiccups have stopped that she finally sniffs and pulls away, quickly wiping her eyes on the inside of her sleeve. there's no helping her red cheeks or puffy eyes but at the very least she's able to stand a little straighter and fight to keep the quaver from her voice. ]
Thank you. But first..
[ alisaie turns back to the table again, this time lifting her grimoire. it's large and heavy and well made, and alisaie runs her fingers delicately over the embossed front, her expression distant and nostalgic and pained. with a sigh, she offers it forward and lifts her eyes again. ]
This, as well. It is.. very special to me. Please keep it safe.
[ He lifts his arm away from her shoulders as she turns back to the table, sparing only a brief glance down at the tear stains that now adorn his coat. It breaks his heart to see her cry, much like everything about her current situation does, but he’s glad she finally let go.
X’rhun takes the offered book with no small measure of gentleness. Even without her saying so, it’s clear this tome means a great deal to her. ]
Of course I will. This, and your blade. I’ll look after them as though they were my own.
[ it takes her a half a moment to finally release her hold, but soon after she nods, offering a smile that is tired but genuine. she trusts him completely, has every confidence that he will take good care of it. ]
I appreciate it.
[ more than he can know. that book is the last tangible memory she has of her grandsire, it's the single most important thing she owns. ]
[ Once Alisaie finally releases her grip on the book, he takes it, along with her rapier and focus, and sets them aside near the door for him to grab on his way out. ]
Come along, my dear. I know the last place you want to be is back in bed, but it's really the best thing for you.
[ she would pout, but she doesn't have the energy, which is reason enough to take his advice even if he's so very right - she's damned sick and tired of that bed. weeks it's been now, and it's driving her absolutely mad, but with every day that passes it's more and more difficult to stay on her feet.
so she relents, trailing morosely toward her bedroom. ]
[ X’rhun wouldn’t do well with this kind of helplessness himself, but for a firecracker like Alisaie it must be unbearable. The fact that she relents with only a token complaint, however, is quite telling about her condition moreso than the look of her.
He trails along after her, as she heads towards her room. ]
I’d be happy to keep you company for a time, if you don’t mind an old man hovering about.
You can stay as long as you like. I'm glad of the company.
[ she's hardly gotten to see anyone recently, save for prompto and riza, and it should come as no surprise that she is possessed of a powerful cabin fever at the moment. the longer he can stay to distract her, the better.
so climbing back into bed is not quite the punishment it would have been had she not his company to entertain her. tugging the blankets to her waist, she crooks her knees up and leans back onto the headboard, one hand fiddling idly with the locket around her neck. ]
[ she's so tired lately, and though browsing the network is one of the few things she can do while bedridden it's not easy to stay awake while browsing it. she gives it cursory glances when she can. ]
There is some headway being made in the investigation. Not much has been discovered as to the reason for the attack, but some of the ingredients of a cure have been made known.
[ He casts a sidelong glance at Alisaie— considering this is becoming a political issue, he’d hate to get her hopes up so he continues. ]
However, one of the ingredients can only be found in the neighboring country of Wyver. I confess I still know very little of the politics of this world, but I understand that Wyver and Olympia do not typically have dealings with one another.
[ anyone who knows alisaie knows of her aversion of and distaste for politics, so it should come as no surprise that her expression hardens right up, her grip on the locket loosening so she can instead cross her arms over her abdomen. ]
They squabble like toddlers.
[ with a roll of her eyes, alisaie sighs. ]
They had certainly better put their differences aside, and quickly. Civilians were affected, and children. We've no time to wait for them to get their heads on straight.
[ He frowns. There’s been no word from the Empress, even with all the information they’ve gathered, and that alone is disconcerting. A leader should be there to reassure their people in times of turmoil, not vanish. ]
But it has come to light that Wyver was hit with a similar attack, and one of the ingredients for the cure can likewise only be found in Olympia. Mayhaps this is someone’s idea of trying to get the two to play nicely.
[ that's new information to her, and alisaie's brows raise in mild surprise, but - well, it certainly puts the attack in perspective, and gives her an easy idea of their attackers' motivation. she scoffs, soft and quiet. ]
I can certainly understand their frustration, but..
[ alisaie of all people could easily sympathize with their ideals, however there are lines. ]
.. but involving civilians is an awful way to get their point across.
[ Said on a tired sigh. This situation hits awfully close to home for him in some ways, though he knows they’re a long way off yet from seeing a situation as bad as Ala Mhigo’s. ]
Something to do with an ancient battle between man and dragon, mayhaps. [ sounds all too familiar. ] But they have been at each others throats for so long that it's entirely possible the true reason for their mutual enmity has been lost, as it so often is.
[ the dragonsong war had been more or less exactly the same, and so many others; war rages, and soon it simply becomes a battle of vengeance, and always it is the smallfolk who suffer most. ]
[ Ah, that does sound familiar, and X’rhun isn’t even Ishgardian. ]
It seems the more things change, the more things stay the same, eh?
[ He snorts. This whole thing, especially Alisaie’s condition, has him rattled. He’s tired and so very scared, but for her sake, he keeps pressing on as he always has, sure and unflappable as ever.
She has her own turmoil to deal with, best not to burden her with his. ]
But I would hope that, given the circumstances, they can set aside whatever-it-is long enough to work together on this. It’s not just us, their own citizens are at stake.
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He steps forward, gently lifting her effects away with one of his own. His free hand, he curls around Alisaie's slender fingers with the utmost gentleness, like he's afraid she'll break if he's not careful with her. ]
Tell me what happened. Please.
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alisaie hesitates, swallowing thickly, searching for the word that will not come easily. but she has never been the sort to be indirect - best to rip the bandage off in one fell swoop. ]
I attacked my roommate.
[ she says, in a small voice, her eyes fixed on x'rhun's hand where it grasps her own. ]
I thought she was - it does not matter. I nearly killed her. So please, just.. take them away.
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[ He wishes his suspicions weren't proven right. Alisaie has suffered enough thanks to this damnable plague, but to have blood on her hands as well... It's not fair, any of it.
X'rhun sets her things aside- he'll honor her request and keep them safe, for her peace of mind as well as his own, but right now that is not the important part. Right now Alisaie is suffering, and there's precious little he can do.
With one hand still curled around hers, he brings his other to her cheek. ]
It was not your fault, sweetheart.
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she had been so adamant that she would not cry. tears do not solve problems, and all she has done these past two weeks is suffer uselessly - her pain and regret achieve nothing, and while she knows very well that emotions are better expressed than repressed, she does not always practice what she preaches. she's sick of crying, she's sick of hurting, she's sick of being sick, of wasting away in bed when she could be working, helping, achieving something, anything.
but stubbornness alone cannot keep her tears back, not anymore. x'rhun's voice is so warm, his touch so gentle, that little crack in her heart is giving way like a bursting dam. she opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a quiet, broken sort of sound where she'd wanted words to be, an explanation, an assurance, anything but this. all at once her eyes are filling with tears, hot and thick and prickling and she can't keep them back, her hand in his suddenly moving, grasping hard. ]
I -
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In the end, all he can offer is his presence, gentle and sturdy in the face of the unknown.
Alisaie tries and fails for words, and X’rhun draws her close. His hand leaves her cheek and instead loops around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. ]
I know, my dear. I know.
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she doesn't try to speak any longer, she only folds against him as if she is crumbling away, leaning near all her weight into him, her face buried against the bright scarlet fabric of his coat. she holds to him hard, one hand squeezing his, the other a small fist in his lapel, and she aches. it feels like splitting open, raw and visceral and painful and would that she were not familiar with the feeling but she has known it before.
but for now she.. allows herself to feel it, to trip and fall because she trusts him, even if she is disappointed in herself, ashamed and humiliated. that disappointment isn't enough to stop the tears, or her hiccuping sobs. ]
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For however long it takes, he just holds her close, one hand clenched tightly by hers. His arm says looped around her slight shoulders, as he brings his hand up to comb lightly through her sleep-mussed locks. He has no words for her, so instead he makes quiet, soothing sounds as she weeps into his chest. ]
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but it does help. he's warm and gentle, and for the first time in a long time she feels safe and secure. prompto does all he can to keep her together and she loves him for it, would be absolutely lost without him here, but he can only do so much and she has already asked so much of him.. x'rhun is a stalwart pillar of strength, someone she can lean on without feeling guilty.
without feeling too guilty, at least.
even the fiercest of storms spend themselves, and soon enough alisaie's rough sobs slow to soft, hiccuping breaths, the tension in her body beginning to ease. she's so damned tired. eyes shut, she swallows thickly, keeping her face buried to his jacket, embarrassed for him to see her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face. ]
My.. my apologies.
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[ Said softly, as he cards his fingers through her hair once more. It doesn’t escape his notice that she’s refusing to look at him, but he won’t remark on it. He’ll let her cling to whatever scraps of pride she can in this exchange. ]
I’ll keep your things safe, as you’ve asked, but let’s get you settled first, hm?
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Thank you. But first..
[ alisaie turns back to the table again, this time lifting her grimoire. it's large and heavy and well made, and alisaie runs her fingers delicately over the embossed front, her expression distant and nostalgic and pained. with a sigh, she offers it forward and lifts her eyes again. ]
This, as well. It is.. very special to me. Please keep it safe.
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X’rhun takes the offered book with no small measure of gentleness. Even without her saying so, it’s clear this tome means a great deal to her. ]
Of course I will. This, and your blade. I’ll look after them as though they were my own.
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I appreciate it.
[ more than he can know. that book is the last tangible memory she has of her grandsire, it's the single most important thing she owns. ]
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Come along, my dear. I know the last place you want to be is back in bed, but it's really the best thing for you.
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so she relents, trailing morosely toward her bedroom. ]
Oh, very well.
[ rumblegrumble, she doesn't wanna. ]
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[ X’rhun wouldn’t do well with this kind of helplessness himself, but for a firecracker like Alisaie it must be unbearable. The fact that she relents with only a token complaint, however, is quite telling about her condition moreso than the look of her.
He trails along after her, as she heads towards her room. ]
I’d be happy to keep you company for a time, if you don’t mind an old man hovering about.
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[ she's hardly gotten to see anyone recently, save for prompto and riza, and it should come as no surprise that she is possessed of a powerful cabin fever at the moment. the longer he can stay to distract her, the better.
so climbing back into bed is not quite the punishment it would have been had she not his company to entertain her. tugging the blankets to her waist, she crooks her knees up and leans back onto the headboard, one hand fiddling idly with the locket around her neck. ]
Have you any news? How is everything in time?
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How much attention have you been paying the network lately?
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[ she's so tired lately, and though browsing the network is one of the few things she can do while bedridden it's not easy to stay awake while browsing it. she gives it cursory glances when she can. ]
I have heard rumors, but nothing concrete.
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[ He casts a sidelong glance at Alisaie— considering this is becoming a political issue, he’d hate to get her hopes up so he continues. ]
However, one of the ingredients can only be found in the neighboring country of Wyver. I confess I still know very little of the politics of this world, but I understand that Wyver and Olympia do not typically have dealings with one another.
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They squabble like toddlers.
[ with a roll of her eyes, alisaie sighs. ]
They had certainly better put their differences aside, and quickly. Civilians were affected, and children. We've no time to wait for them to get their heads on straight.
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[ He frowns. There’s been no word from the Empress, even with all the information they’ve gathered, and that alone is disconcerting. A leader should be there to reassure their people in times of turmoil, not vanish. ]
But it has come to light that Wyver was hit with a similar attack, and one of the ingredients for the cure can likewise only be found in Olympia. Mayhaps this is someone’s idea of trying to get the two to play nicely.
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I can certainly understand their frustration, but..
[ alisaie of all people could easily sympathize with their ideals, however there are lines. ]
.. but involving civilians is an awful way to get their point across.
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[ Said on a tired sigh. This situation hits awfully close to home for him in some ways, though he knows they’re a long way off yet from seeing a situation as bad as Ala Mhigo’s. ]
Do you know why it is the two are at odds?
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Something to do with an ancient battle between man and dragon, mayhaps. [ sounds all too familiar. ] But they have been at each others throats for so long that it's entirely possible the true reason for their mutual enmity has been lost, as it so often is.
[ the dragonsong war had been more or less exactly the same, and so many others; war rages, and soon it simply becomes a battle of vengeance, and always it is the smallfolk who suffer most. ]
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It seems the more things change, the more things stay the same, eh?
[ He snorts. This whole thing, especially Alisaie’s condition, has him rattled. He’s tired and so very scared, but for her sake, he keeps pressing on as he always has, sure and unflappable as ever.
She has her own turmoil to deal with, best not to burden her with his. ]
But I would hope that, given the circumstances, they can set aside whatever-it-is long enough to work together on this. It’s not just us, their own citizens are at stake.
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